My diet crushing adventure

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  El 12:53 pm on November 8, 2011 Permalink  

  The one where I did the thing I said I’d never do again and it was awesome! ;-) 

  Nine weeks ago I wrote about diet-crushing 2.0. I declared that I had stepped on the weighing scales for the last time ever, 7 days prior, and that I would never do it again!

  Except.

  I don’t like being told what to do (even by myself!) and so something sort of compelled me to have a little hop onto the scales last week. I can’t tell you why I did it but I did.

  And I almost fell off again when I saw the number!

  I got off and stepped back on again.

  And again.

  And again.

  And again!

  I changed the measurement switch on the back from pounds to stones and pounds and hopped on again.

  A quick calculation in my head confirmed that it was the same as the first result.

  I was in shock!

  As I announced to Facebook a little later, according to this little jaunt, I’d lost between 20 and 30lb.

  Bonkers!

  I’ve been eating what I want to when I want to and I’ve lost 20lb? How is that even possible??

  But of course it’s possible. It’s why I signed up for this 2.0 adventure with Karen. But still, to get that kind of confirmation from a mechanical device was still pretty fab.

  I’d write more but I’m still a little bit in shock at just how easy and fun this has been so far!

   
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  El 4:10 pm on October 17, 2011 Permalink  

  “I’m interested in gaining weight today, so for today I am committed to eating mindlessly and when I’m not hungry.” 

  Karen is worried that I and my fellow diet-crushing superstars aren’t eating enough to make ourselves happy so she had us write the above in our journals. If she thought I was kidding when I said that this place is the only journal I have, she’ll find out the truth soon enough.

  Sooooo, having written it down, I am waiting with baited breath to see what happens and shall update here as necessary.

  Until then, here’s to a fabulous day.

  

   
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  El 2:15 pm on September 26, 2011 Permalink  

  Can’t resist cake? Think you’ve got a weakness for it? You sure? 

  Something rather weird happened yesterday. Good weird by the way (in case you were wondering.)

  Yesterday was Sunday. And Sunday means two things. Church. And cake!

  One of the ladies in church makes lush cakes. Chocolate brownie cake. Carrot cake. Tray bakes. Coffee cake. She has a huge repertoire. (And as an aside, she and her husband also make and decorate the most beautiful wedding cakes so if you’re in or around South Wales and are planning a wedding, let me know and I’ll point you in their direction. )

  And tea and cake after the service is always something to look forward to.

  Except.

  Yesterday something rather weird happened.

  I had a piece of cake with my cup of tea. I didn’t spend time eyeing up which was the largest/smallest/most tasty looking/yummiest …

  There was no internal debate or discussion at all.

  I just picked up the piece closest to me. And enjoyed it. And then I was done.

  The thought of having a second piece didn’t cross my mind. There was no battle. I didn’t give it any thought at all.

  And the weirdest thing of all?

  I totally didn’t even notice until I got home and was asked how the cake was.

   
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  El 2:55 pm on September 22, 2011 Permalink  

  I, El Edwards, prefer eating when I’m not hungry over anything else to change my mood. 

  NOT!

  Karen‘s been berating me privately for being so appalling rubbish at eating to change my mood.

  Don’t be fooled by her kindly demeanour. She started out by asking me how many calories I promised to eat for the sole purpose of nourishing my emotions. The minimum was 2500. Picking a (large!) number at random, I went with 3261 but of course it was nearly 4pm by then so we agreed that I should manage 1000 calories between then and bedtime.

  I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  So then she gave me a pass (it was our first day after all) and said she was hoping I could make up for it by eating 5 cups of food on a full tummy the following day.

  Um, nope.

  So today she told me that the best thing to do would be to write the title of this post in my journal. I don’t have a journal in the traditional sense. This blog is it. So, with a twinkle in my eye, I reassured Karen that I had it in hand and toddled over here.

  That is all.

   
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  El 9:46 pm on September 20, 2011 Permalink  

  What we resist persists? 

  Hmmmm, pre-dietcrushing I’d resist chocolate (in it’s various guises) by … actually, I’m not sure I ever did a decent attempt at resisting it. Instead I’d justify my reasons for eating it and eat it anyway. And then berate myself and eat some more (why not? The damage was done now anyway so sod it!)

  Don’t think about red elephants!

  Because that’s the same theory isn’t it? Tell someone not to think about red elephants and immediately a big red mammal with flappy ears pops into their head.

  So I don’t doubt for one second that Karen knew exactly what she was doing yesterday. You’ll remember we’d been talking about how journalling had become a bit of a should? And so she was suggesting we have a new strategy. Ready to hear it?

  From now on I must only write down, one time per day, any time I caught myself doing what my NSFON* does. Just once. One time. Period.

  And then she did something very, very, very clever. She told me that if I found myself noticing my NSFON at any other time in the day, I must do my best to push those thoughts out of my head. Resist. Don’t entertain them.

  That was 31 hours ago. Do you want to know how many times in the past 31 hours I’ve had to chase thoughts of my NSFON out of my head? 17! (give or take a thought or five. Seventeen is a guestimation. I did not keep a record. I promised I wouldn’t remember? My word is my bond.

  By bed time last night I’d cottoned onto Karen’s trickery. My clever brain wouldn’t let me stop looking for exceptions of course (for starters there’s that bit in the bible about resisting the devil and he’ll flee) but as a general rule, I’ve found legs in this idea that what we resist persists.

  And I’m grinning from ear to ear.

  Because today was the first day ever where my NSFON kept showing herself in my day and I saw her, easily.

  Oh but for the official ‘noticing one thing’ record, I noticed that I took time to find out what I actually wanted for lunch and, having enjoyed it, it satisfied me for hours. I was sure at the time that it wouldn’t keep me going all afternoon. But it did. I can trust me!

  *Naturally slim freak of nature

   
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  El 2:13 pm on September 19, 2011 Permalink  

  Want to eat what you want and lose weight? Yeah, me too! 

  aka Diet-crushing 2.0 It’s on!

  One week before my 33rd birthday I stepped off my last ever diet. With wonderful Karen Paritee holding my hand across the miles, it was far less scary than it should have been. I was certain I’d get even fatter (I didn’t), I was sure I’d never stop eating (I always did) and I was slightly concerned I’d get scurvy as I stopped forcing myself to eat green veg (not yet but the jury’s still out!)

  I’ve written about that adventure before but today marks the start of phase 2 and I am soooo excited!!

  As I hinted at in that post, I was a bit erratic with my journal keeping. Karen called it my magic wand and, remembering clearly her words from our first ever call where she said how the people who found this the easiest were those who kept their journals close, I tried, really I did, to be the good girl armed with her journal that I believed I needed to be.

  And I started so strong. It was great.

  But then my journal keeping tailed off. It frustrated me beyond words! I kept remembering Karen’s words and many mornings I’d start again and it was great again, for the first hour. But then busy would do it’s thing and that was it for another day.

  Today I talked to Karen about that darn journalling experience. Talking to Karen is always wonderful (and that’s one “always” that I’m sure she’ll give me ) and of course today was no exception. But it was also fascinating. Because finally I got to the root of my journal issues and why I was having such a hard time with it.

  I was testing it!

  My mum put me on a diet when I was three months old and every single time I wasn’t on a diet (up until that infamous week before my birthday) I gained weight. Every. Single. Time.

  So what do you do when you step off your last ever diet? You follow the advice of those gone before you of course. But when dieting is replaced by journalling you wonder (subconsciously – I didn’t have a clue it was this way until today!) if the same rule applies and if you stop journalling you’ll get fat.

  Logical therefore to test the process. Be a bit pants at waving that magic wand. And see if, true to dieting form, you gain weight.

  But I didn’t. And I was delighted!

  I finally got to the point where I was eating what I wanted, when I wanted, and I was no longer needing to lose weight in order to be happy. However last week things started to niggle at me. I went shopping and got some lovely new togs but still, this wasn’t exactly what I signed up for and I was feeling ready to try and wave that magic wand again.

  And then as if by magic, along comes Karen with an offer. Diet crusing 2.0. Phase 2 of El’s diet-crushing adventure!

  I’ve tested the process. I know I can be trusted around food and I don’t need anything or anyone to be my conscience around food any more.

  I’m happy just as I am. But simultaneously I want to lose about 60lb. How does that work?

  I mean, how can I say on one happy that I’m happy as I am and yet want to change? Honestly? I dunno. It’s just a feeling and I don’t have words right now to explain it properly.

  All I do know is that when I tried to express that to Karen she totally got it.

  Dieting put this extra 60lb on my petite frame and now diet-crushing 2.0 is my way to get me back to how I’d have been if I’d never been seduced by the dieting industry.

  Seven days ago I stepped on the weighing scales for the very last time, ever. I recorded the date in my diary (note, I recorded the date, not the number on the scale. It’s just a number and I don’t care!) so that 1 month, 6 months, 12 months from now I can have a reference point for when I last weighed.

  From here on in reference points are things like the pair of jeans upstairs in my bedroom that currently are too tight. And the dress in my wardrobe that fitted beautifully at my sister’s wedding three years ago. Or the skirt that I never quite managed to diet my way in to.

  This is phase 2 of eating what I want and losing weight. I’ll be sharing it with you, cakes and kit kats and all. My goal? To document evidence that I can be trusted, that I can eat anything and be slim, and that if I can do it, you can too!

  Oh and if you haven’t met wonderful Karen yet, go and read her blog. She’s an absolute gem and I know she’d love to meet you.

   
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  El 1:00 pm on August 23, 2011 Permalink  

  Poor neglected little anti-diet blog. Oh how I’ve missed thee! 

  When I jumped off the diet wagon back in June, lovely Karen Paritee asked me what I’d like to get from my time with her and the rest of the diet crushing crew. I don’t have a written record of what I told her but I remember two things very clearly:

  1. To instil anti-dieting values in my children so that they don’t have to waste decades of their precious lives counting calories, points, grams of fat or whatever, but instead, they just be.
  2. To have life do it’s thing and me not turn to doughnuts or tea and toast or whatever thing I had to hand to shovel in to make me feel better.

  Fast forward a couple of months and we’re staring at the end of the school holidays. Life has done it’s thing, more than once, and, more than once, I’ve not eaten. I have tears and loneliness and tantrums and bleugh (because yes, I am a drama queen. Apparently I thrive on roller coasters!) and, let me repeat myself because this really is something for me, I’VE NOT EATEN!

  I had apple crumble at my sister’s house and left some because I’d had enough. I drank water because I wanted to. I passed on an apple pie because I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t eat a ‘proper’ meal until nearly 1pm because the half croissant I’d shared with my son at breakfast was enough until then. I threw peanut butter on toast in the bin because I was satisfied. Were I the wonderful journal keeper I aspire to be I could go on but I’m not (yet) and my memory now alludes me.

  But the short answer is, for several weeks into months now I’ve been off a diet and I couldn’t be more delighted!

   
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  El 5:56 am on June 24, 2011 Permalink
  Tags: stuff   

  Day 30: The one with the new magic wand 

  I need a new plan. Fear not, I’m not talking about a new un-dieting plan. I mean I need a new plan for my journal. I started keeping my journal on this blog (rather than Karen’s recommended notebook) because I wanted a public record of it all. I felt (and still feel, nothing’s changed!) that by making it public, if it helped one other person jump of the diet wagon then awesome!

  There is however a problem. Time.

  I’m a bit of a social butterfly and, having found my wings here, I want this place to be both helpful and entertaining. I don’t want you to have to just read a list of stuff I noticed my NSFON (Naturally Slim Freak of Nature) doing. I want to lace that with witty insight and stuff that makes you smile.

  But some days round here are just so bonkers busy I end up writing nothing.

  And I could pretend that while I’m not updating here I’m instead writing it in a paper notebook. But that would be a lie. I do sometimes, but not consistently. And that bothers me because I remember what Karen said in that very first kick-off call.

  The people who consistently wave their magic wands (write in their journals) are the ones who get this easiest. (Or words to that effect!)

  So, I’ve gone back to my original plan and am keeping a daily journal on my phone and then, when I have the time and witty repartee, I can come back here and tell all.

  Sound reasonable? What do you think?

   
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  El 7:12 am on June 21, 2011 Permalink
  Tags: journal ( 26 )   

  Day 27: The one with the tens 

  So following on from the discussion over on Facebook that everything always has been and always a ten, I forced myself to think about how this morning’s breakfast was a ten.

  It was cereal with freeze dried strawberries and little bits of chocolate. Yummy 6 weeks ago but today, as I reached the bott of the box, it was a little bit stale. You know how cereal loses it’s crispness and becomes a bit chewy? Yup, we’d got there.

  So how was that a ten?!

  Well I didn’t know what I really wanted anyway. I just wanted to get rid of the hunger so I could get on with my day. It did that. 10!

  And because it wasn’t divine tasting it was super easy to stop eating when my hunger was satisfied. 10!

  And I had the most refreshing cup of tea after finishing it. 10!

  Ultimately I’m going to need to give this 10 thing some thought because I don’t know what I enjoy eating any more!

   
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  El 10:38 am on June 20, 2011 Permalink
  Tags: journal ( 26 )   

  Day 26: The one with the boring updates! 

  Keeping it simple today because I have loads to do and if I try and be too clever with this (or wait until I have more time!) then I’ll just end up skipping it.

  Week 3′s play though is about everything being a 10 and came with the instruction from Karen to start by doing what we can to choose food that is a 10. To that end, I made my traditional favourite breakfast (egg on ciabatta) but in the interest of testing out what constitutes a 10 for me, I tried it with some tomato ketchup (Heinz of course ) instead of butter. It was lush!

  And as lush as it was, I was satisfied before the end and so I stopped and threw it in the bin. My NSFON is back, and she’s very noisy.